On what occasion do you lie?

It feels silly to credit a podcast with having so much influence on my life, but here we go. Judge John Hodgman has had many rulings regarding someone frustrated with a loved one for trying to lie or bend the rules. It’s clear that these lies stem from a place of shame. I still lie on these occasions. I don’t want someone to know that I was late because I wanted to do the crossword or spelling bee, or read one more AITA post. I’m trying to mix not doing things that make me feel ashamed, and stop being ashamed of things that are, in the grand scheme of things, not that shameful.
I lied so much as a kid and I know I did it to protect myself when there really weren’t any adults willing to take that on. I know why I lied and I’m even a little bit proud that I figured out ways to navigate. But I know how to survive now, I have people in my life who offer help, I have a million coping mechanisms. I’m proud now that lying doesn’t factor into my life much.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Where to begin….
Cleanliness, productivity, punctuality, tact. We really rate these so highly and we do not value thoughtfulness, patience, kindness. I was so relieved in my 30s when I realized that if I didn’t want to be close to someone because I learned they kept a clean house, then why would I want someone in my life who would judge me based on that very thing. I’ve met more people than I like to admit who have based their entire personalities on how clean they are.
This is obviously self-serving to say it overrated when it’s something I lack, and this will out me as a leftie-commie idiot, but we’ve been convinced more and more that if we don’t participate full throttle in the capitalist machine (eye-roll) that we are bad. I’m not going to feel guilty for not buying into this.

What is your current state of mind?

Reflective. I’m attempting to track my days and learn more about what makes me most productive/happy/healthy. I know I can’t put off the things I want to do in the morning for the things I should do. I’ll sit for hours staring at my to do list thinking about taking that walk, writing something down, reading a few pages, etc. before I start any actual work. This is unlocking something for me and I’m grateful.

What is your greatest extravagance?

I wake up in a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom home I share with 1 other person – my husband. Living in my home is the most extravagant thing by a long shot.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I really try hard not to deplore anything about myself. I can be really quick to anger or keep my guard up around others. This isn’t something I’m proud of but I also understand why I do it. I could deplore this aspect of me but I end up being angrier with the adults in my life when I was young who didn’t think it was necessary to make me feel safe or loved.

What is your greatest fear?

Buried alive/locked-in syndrome. It’s knowing there’s nothing you can do to change your situation and it will get worse. I was climbing once and my belayer was pulling hard on my rope. Normally this is great. It gives you a boost and you feel really secure. Lead climbing changes things and it’s a balance between the climber and belayer. I was above my last clip and I was struggling and then also being pulled down. I knew the fall was going to happen. It wouldn’t be a soft catch where the stretch of the rope cradles you. It was going to hurt and I had to let go. That’s 1/9230482309th of what being buried alive is and I didn’t even handle that well.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

For a long time I thought of happiness was not having any responsibilities or obligations.

• no obligations
• sunshine
• pet/dog/animals
• now, Joe
• no obligations feels like freedom. It feels like riding my bike all day and talking to my friends.
• tea made for me every morning and I don’t have to clean the mug
• effortlessly eating food that makes me feel energetic and whole. This sometimes leaves me feeling a little hungry and ready to go.
• Physically tired at the end of a day. Mentally at peace and a feeling of accomplishment.
• Waking up early without an alarm. That’s having time that isn’t accounted for, where no one has expectations of me.

My improve team, Cults and Crafts, had a meeting last night. We went over all the necessary items – funds, format, marketing – played some games, and really have a plan for our show Sunday.

I was running late to practice though, so I took a scooter. Plus I love scooters, so being late was maybe partially planned. I scooted there, had a fun night, and remembered I had to go to the store before being home for the night, plus the scooters turn off at 10. So I say my goodbyes, and head to the store, pick up my groceries – bread, peppers, hummus, chia seeds – and go back to scoot the rest of the way home.

Sadly, it was now past 10. No matter what I tried my scooter wouldn’t turn on. But I really wanted this scooter outside my door so I could get to work quickly. So I’m manually pushing this scooter from the store to my home. The total trip is less than two blocks away but every 2 seconds this scooter chirps out, “beep beep!” I felt like I was kidnapping this scooter and someone would catch me and steal my scooter! And I was right! Someone DID steal my scooter the next morning!

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

A few years ago I worked with a woman who chronicled her year by creating something new every day. She would sketch, paint, sculpt, etc. I have no talent in that realm but it did make me think about how life passes quickly and I can barely remember anything that’s happened. I want to have a record of one story from that day. Similar to having a photo for each day, the stories can be a quick snapshot of what I did. They can be mundane, cute, funny, sad. Whatever that day was.